Unfaithful husband pays for ex-wife's nursing school, his affair partner demands she pay them back over 20 years later: 'Tell her it was the adultery tax'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 14, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Sometimes you just have to let bygones be bygones. This isn't always easy to learn, but it remains true. As much as something hurts your feelings in the moment, at a certain point you just have to let go and move forward. This doesn't mean you shouldn't say your piece when the moment is happening, but having the grace to live and let live shows a huge amount of character. Plus, it saves you your own sanity. Who would want to spend their lives looking in a rearview mirror? That sounds utterly exhausting. That doesn't stop some of us, however. 

It's also equally important to respect your partner's decisions, especially decisions they made before you got together. You may feel some type of way about the life they had before you met each other, but everyone has a past. You have to choose them now, and at no other time. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10493797120
    via Rowen Smith

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman couldn't quite do that and failed to see her place in an unfolding, decades-long drama. From where most of us stand, if you ruin a marriage, you don't get a lot of credibility if you're trying to be the moral police. That didn't stop her, though, from ruining what should have been a celebratory occasion. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

  • 02

    AITA for refusing to repay my ex-husband for the college tuition he paid for years ago?

    So for some background my ex husband and I ended things over twenty years ago. When our son was two he stepped out. At the time I was a a stay at home mom and going to nursing school full time. He was paying for my schooling. After he left I asked him if he would keep paying for my school so I could finish with no debt. He agreed saying it was the least he could do. A few months after that he got his affair partner pregnant.
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 03
    Once she got pregnant she demanded he stop paying for my schooling. It was 1/5 of their income and she said that money needed to go towards their new baby. He refused and kept paying for the remaining year and a half I had left.
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 04
    Over the years I continued my education and now I'm a nurse practitioner. I do well for myself and I never remarried. Onto the problem. My son called me and told me he and his wife are expecting. I was ecstatic. I asked if I could come over sometime during the weekend by and give them some things (his favorite stuffy as a child, a check, and some other small sentimental things). He said yes so I went over earlier today.
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 05
    I came by and gave him everything including a check for a few thousand dollars. (For baby stuff, co-pays, the nursery, or anything else they may want). My son and his wife thanked me and told me the money would be very helpful.
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 06
    My ex husband and his wife came over and little while later (they surprised them with dinner and didn't know i'd be there) and saw the check on the counter. My ex's wife asked about it and I said "Oh well I wanted to help out where I could, everything's so expensive nowadays!" I was really just trying to be polite but i don't think this is any
    via u/disturbiahope
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    of her business. This woman had the audacity to say "Well maybe since you have all this money now you can finally pay us back all that money you took when you went to college." I was dumbfounded. My ex has literally never brought up me paying him back. He's always said it was the least he could do for both me and our son.
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 08
    My ex has done very well for himself in his career. I didn't see how or why they'd need the money so I asked them "Do you guys need the money or something?" and my ex said no and she said "Of course not, it's about principle." I told her I will absolutely not be paying them back for college tuition from over twenty years ago especially when she ended
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 09
    up in our marital home while I was living in a small apartment barely making ends meet for years after I initially finished school. I've never been bitter or mean, I've always been civil since our kids are siblings but my blod was boiling. I left shortly after that.
    via u/disturbiahope
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    According to my son this has been a point of contention in their marriage. She's brought it up a few times over the years in front of him. And she's insisting to him that he needs to convince me to finally "pay back what they're owed". The biggest issue is now that the whole family is involved. I got calls from three separate family members saying I need to get over myself and just pay it back. So AITA here?
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 11

    Commenters came to her defense against this situation.

    survival-nut 13h ago • Tell her it was the adultery tax or that her husband was ensuring that his son would have a good life with either parent. NTA
    via u/survival-nut
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    Cheezburger Image 10493797376
    via Mitchell Leach

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 13
    -to-the-bitter-end- 13h ago NTA lol I'm not laughing at your situation. I'm laughing at the clown who your ex is now stuck with. It sounds like she's reeeaaaaa||||||ly hung up on the fact that you were with your ex before she was and this is a really weird expression of that. Basically staking claim to what she wants to be hers even if it's not.
    via u/-to-the-bitter-end-
  • 14
    My stepmom was this way. Treated me differently because I came from the woman before her. It's this weird insane jealousy-spite thing and frankly, it's toxic. It's also really, really unhealthy for her to bring other family members into this. Ultimately this is an issue between you and your ex and the other woman is making a mess of it. Don't pay it back. No matter who comes at you, di on this hill
    via u/-to-the-bitter-end-
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    • Choice-Marsupial-127 13h ago She's embarrassing herself. Calculate how much your husband should have paid you in alimony and child support so you can tell her you'll repay the tuition when he pays what he owes in child support and alimony. I would bet money he would owe you. What a she is.
    via u/Choice-Marsupial-127
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    • jbboogers 13h ago She said it's about principle? Last i checked, people with principle don't sleep with married men, and get pregnant by them before their divorce is even finalized.
    via u/jbboogers
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    Sad-Country-9873 13h ago NTA - He created a mess. Did he pay alimony? Did he take it off his taxes?
    via u/Sad-Country-9873
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    disturbiahope OP. 13h ago We didn't have any court ordered alimony or child support while I was in school. He just paid for the school since it was so expensive. I'm not sure if he took it off his taxes he just gave me the money every month. Once the divorce was finalized shortly after i finished school we made arrangements for child support but no alimony.
    via u/disturbiahope
  • 19
    . Even_Searcher3884 • 13h ago NTA. How is that possibly the (other) wife's concern? She needs therapy to figure out why this bugs her so much.
    via u/Even_Searcher3884
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    Fickle-Squirrel-40... • 13h ago NTA. You could be petty by donating the amount (in installments) to a charity that helps people earn their nursing degrees (and/or the general medical field) in her name.
    via u/Fickle-Squirrel-4091
  • 21
    SerenityPickles • 13h ago NTA. She's just a miserable controlling B... Keep pushing the she must be broke narrative. Smile sweetly the whole time. She can go home and make her husband unhappy!!
    via u/SerenityPickles
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    ogo7 13h ago NTA. That wasn't her money, it was your (at the time) HUSBAND's money, since you didn't divorce until you finished school. Tell her you owe her absolutely nothing and that she should consider you even since she's a home wrecker scumbag.
    via u/ogo7
  • 23
    AnxietyQueeeeen . 13h ago LOL the mistress is talking about principles?! NTA - He knew what he was doing, like he said it's the least he could have done considering what he did. This way it secured a better future for the family he stepped out on! Anyone giving you grief needs to be reminded of this and asked to b tout. If they're so up in arms about it they can pay her.
    via u/AnxietyQueeeeen
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    DangerousAd1986 • 13h ago NTA. He cheated moved affair partner into your home. Essentially he kept everything while you lived in a small apartment. His compensation IS the MONEY he spent on your degree. He's straight it's least he could do. Tell them all to off. You deserved that money. His affair partner can choke on a hot dog.
    via u/DangerousAd1986
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    LaLaLaLaLaLaLaL... • 13h ago NTA. Tell the family members to mind their own business. As for his current wife, remind her again that she was the AP.
    via u/LaLaLaLaLaLaLaL
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    nannylive 13h ago • NTA. Your ex felt, when you asked, that he owed you some consideration for cheating and leaving the marriage. He paid for your schooling so you could support yourself but kept the family home.
    via u/nannylive
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    You did not "borrow" money from "them". Your ex made an agreement which he honored. It doesn't have a thing to do with her. In the future, tell her that since none of your past financial arrangements with your ex or your present financial gifts to your child are any of her business that you will not be taking questions from her.
    via u/nannylive
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    No-Mortgage-7408 12h ago Two HUGE points everyone is missing. She was entitled to half his income when hubby cheated up until the divorce was finalized. So that first year she in effect got nothing extra at all. So he made 1.5 years of school payments per OP. That means 14 years of
    via u/No-Mortgage-7408
  • 29
    child support based on a MUCH higher income for OP (so a much lower payment for him) because she was a RN then NP as opposed to being a stay at home mom. Child support and alimony are based on how much the parties make. AND at least two years of no alimony saved him lots of money as she had
    via u/No-Mortgage-7408
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    no income. Do the math and he likely paid way less than if she had stayed a stay at home mom. He and his wife should be grateful OP became a RN then NP. It likely saved him money!
    via u/No-Mortgage-7408

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